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The tale of an Insta-goddess and a packet of biscuits.


The thing you should really worry about is getting crumbs in your bed...

Imagine this. You’re at home on a Friday night, sat in the ugliest PJs, eating a whole packet of biscuits, dropping crumbs in your lap, scrolling through Insta when your thumb stops right on a picture of a beautiful, bronzed woman in a bikini. With perfect eyebrows. And literally everything else on fleek. She’s on a beach in Sardinia or somewhere (the location obviously doesn’t matter), her head’s tipped back mid-laugh (displaying her perfectly white teeth, naturally) as she clinks her champagne glass with a devastatingly handsome bronzed Adonis by her side. You accidentally catch sight of your reflection in your phone screen and from that (albeit unflattering) angle, it ain’t pretty…she’s living her best life - and you’re at home with your shit eyebrows in your pyjamas with bits of shortcake and your double chin as company. Brilliant.


The thing is, it’s at times like this that you honestly feel like you’re the only one who has fallen to the sheer depths of such depravity don’t you? How could you have let yourself go like this? When did you get so gross? Everyone else is out there, with tanned, toned bodies and laughing on a beach in a faraway place while you’re in your comfy pants and slipper socks eating your whole day’s worth of calories with a cup of tea. But guess what? …LOL! We’ve all been there - just on a different Friday night babes!


Social media can be the best and the worst all rolled into one and I think we’re all wise to that by now - but even when you know that it’s not reality, it doesn’t stop the feelings of self judgement, disappointment and jealousy that can really drag on after you’ve scrolled past said goddess and onto your mate Becky’s dinner pic. You just have to try and remember that it’s false reality; the glitz and glamour, the casual ‘thrown together’ photo that actually took 3 outfit changes and 84 shots before filtering it through app after app to then post it to thousands of people who don’t even know them.


So how do you pick yourself up? First of all; have a word with yourself. Ok, so right now you might feel like that kid in Matlida who eats alllll the cake - and not the bikini-clad goddess on your Insta feed, but it’s not always that way is it?! Don’t make out you haven’t got sauce! Think about it sensibly; in those 20 seconds you’ve looked at that photo, you’ve decided that she’s happy, healthy, works out a lot, is doing well for herself, has an amazing life and is the ultimate #couplegoals with tanned Adonis. Snap judgement. We all do it, but honestly…probably half of that isn’t even close to accurate. She might be hungry as hell after eating 2 lettuce leaves and a rice cake pre-shoot to ensure her genetically gifted abs are as flat as possible - and the tanned Adonis probably isn’t even her boyfriend.


Allow yourself that moment of wallowing, but then brush those biscuit crumbs away and turn that negative energy into motivation. Get focussed, put a plan in place and make a lasting change. What do you actually want? Set yourself specific goals; whether that’s to be able to do a full press up, lose half a stone - or to only eat half a packet of biscuits next time…a win is a win! Don’t try and do it all at once though; overwhelming yourself will only lead to slipping off track and then you’ll give up completely and feel worse than you did at the start. Think of yourself as a Netflix series (bear with); you’re the pilot episode - and Insta-goddess is the season finale. Of course you want to get to the end and know what happens, but it would completely ruin your viewing experience if you only watched the first and last episode of a series wouldn’t it? You’d miss out on characters, suspense, funny scenes; basically the whole plot and premise of the series! Your favourite shows are the ones where you’ve emotionally invested in the characters, you care what happens to them and you root for them when the odds are stacked against them. Apply that theory to your own life! Invest in yourself, care what happens to you, be in your own corner - be your biggest supporter instead of your biggest critic. So what if Insta-goddess is at the series finale stage? You’ll get there if you keep watching - and the more you watch, the better it gets; over time, you’re going to be on Season 3 whilst someone else is watching the pilot and they’ll wish that they’re exactly where you are. Swings and roundabouts my friends. Plus, Insta-goddess has got nothing to look forward to because she’s on the last episode! Ha. In your Insta-perfect face.


The moral of the story is; do you. Try to not compare yourself to others; aesthetically or otherwise. Work on taking practical steps to achieve your goals and keep moving forward. Be the best you can be, don’t dwell on things you can’t change and try not to take yourself too seriously. Eating a whole packet of biscuits isn’t ideal but it’s not the end of the world is it? And if all else fails…brush your hair, go out on a Friday night and only look at Insta when you’re feeling fly AF to avoid all of the above.

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